The past 5 weeks have been full of waves. (Specifically, the past 3 days have been full of rising seas and hurricane-like winds including a few deaths from fallen trees.)
I have been written by social media “friends” about a wave of messages, posts and tags received from a woman who is my self-proclaimed nemesis. I have yet to respond to any of the social media messages as I continue to digest the source, fuel and direction of her malcontent.
14 months ago, as she began preparations to visit Costa Rica, I sat with Kelly and he asked me, “Do you have any idea what you are doing?”
“I have absolutely no idea.” All the way up to the date of her arrival, as Kelly and I drove to pick her up, I was void of any clarity. There was no excitement or anxiety. There was only right now.
In the hours leading up to her arrival, the planned living arrangements changed quite drastically and directly impacted several others because of it. An early Circle of Clarity amongst those directly effected by the new arrival didn’t seem to provide any significant progress. Contrary to what i shared, she thought that everyone either didn’t like her or wanted her gone. (ironically enough, the same people that she disliked and thought disliked her have hosted and helped her. yogis, vegans & hippies were quite distasteful a year ago.)
In the early weeks of her arrival, I often reflected on why she was here… as did she. We would sit in the ocean and chat candidly about mixed emotions, past events and current thoughts. Even now as I read “a most unlikely reunion”, I can vividly recall where I was emotionally with her presence. My emotional state was the same as my mental status towards everything else in my life at that point in time. Unsettled.
“Experience life in all possible ways —
good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light,
summer-winter. Experience all the dualities.
Don’t be afraid of experience, because
the more experience you have, the more
mature you become.”
On several occasions, I candidly said to her: Do not come here to be with me. Do not come thinking we will be in a relationship. We won’t. Come to get away from the place where you don’t want your daughter to grow up. Come get away from the place where you do not want to die. Do not come here for me thinking we will be a couple. *sigh* That didn’t work.