A free man is one of the most terrifying things for a woman because once a man becomes free:
He cannot be trained.
He cannot be moulded.
He cannot be controlled.
He cannot be manipulated into who we want him to be.
You complain that your man isn’t strong enough, doesn’t fuck you hard enough, well enough or frequently enough, isn’t strong or passionate or exciting or masculine enough.
You say you want a king who is established and mature. A man who isn’t dependent on mummy’s love, so starving for her nourishment and so scared of its withdrawal that he will do anything to keep it on tap.
But what you aren’t grasping is the very thing that would make this man all of that and more is also the very thing that when it truly shows up, will threaten to completely destroy all your Disney princess fantasies and christian conditioned covenants that are keeping it alive.
And that shit is terrifying.
A free man’s integrity is more important to him than his need for your approval.
He loves you, but loves himself more.
A free man says ‘no’ when he means no and ‘yes’ when he means yes, and he’s 100 percent committed to living his truth and his path whether you choose to walk with him or not.
That kind of man is terrifying because it puts us women in a certain position where our tried and tested hooks no longer work.
No longer can we control with our feminine emotional and sexual superpowers and tricks that have worked on every other man since we became daddy’s girl, those parts that know precisely all his weak spots and how to trigger, seduce, overwhelm, entice, and frustrate him to get exactly what you want and keep him there.
When a man becomes free no longer can we use him for our own sense of security, safety, and holding.
Suddenly those things become our own responsibility.
We are pushed into having our own discernment, to walking our own path and finding our own truth and fullness.
You want him to embrace and love your wildness don’t you?
But what about his?
Not being in control of men is a terrifying fucking thing for a woman – with memories of torture, rape, burnings and witch hunts in our blood.
But don’t be fooled into believing we are the weaker sex by any means.
Over the years many of us have learnt a far more covert style to have the upper hand.
You think patriarchy is a dangerous force of control and oppression?
So is a woman who wants a ring on it.
We’ve turned around the very thing that was created to own us – and used it to own them.
Who could say exactly?
But the fact is all of us are suffering for it.
Because man or woman – none of us are here to be owned, to be put on a leash and given treats when we do good; punished when we do bad.
This isn’t about polyamory or monogamy or what is a right way of being together. But this is about examining what love really is and questioning whether the bargains and contracts and subtle power agreements are really that.
It’s a difficult dichotomy to get a handle, on I know…because there is a part in all of us that really does enjoy being given everything we want:
The little girl.
She doesn’t want to hear ‘no.’ EVER.
She wants it all her way. ALL THE TIME.
But there is a big sacrifice to pay if you let the princess, the brat, or the little girl run the show, and that is the emasculation of the man and the inner death of the woman.
A real man does not get hard for little girls, just as real women do not get wet for little boys.
Yet somehow we continually turn each other into just that and then wonder about why the spark has gone.
And the most terrifying thing about a free man is also the most beautiful, because to receive the love of a free man is one of the most nourishing awe inspiring, powerful, special things you will ever receive.
When he is with you you know it’s because he really fucking wants to be there.
When he chooses you, you know it’s because from every part of his being that this is his truth.
Not because you worked on him to do so.
Not because of conditioning or fear or signed rules of engagement.
Because you surrendered to allowing him to be exactly as he is and the true love that has the potential to flower from there is magnificent.
Because you can truly meet and receive who he really is, rather than a watered down compromised version of him that came forth because you pouted your lip in just the right way that he caved.
Because secretly the man you really want, the ‘perfect’ guy that you so totally ‘deserve,’ is the one who won’t always make you happy.
He is going to challenge you, even scare you.
He’s not always going to please you – and, fuck, you’d hope he wouldn’t, because your happiness is not his job…
Thank you for sharing this Vanessa Florence