26 December 2001

ANITKA

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That man and my child, or is it two children of whom i’m building to be men from and egg and some semen.  I see men and wonder if I could possess the cruel & insensitive heart to be them. (sigh)

It’s been rare that I opened up enough for my heart to be hurt or emotions cuffed, and by now I should have been fed up… but it always in search of that “one” that I leave the door cracked.

You love me…

Sounds nice and it’s not that I don’t believe you but your actions are questionable.
Where were you when I was in the hospital.

Those 7 days;  Those 168 hours; Those 10080 minutes and too many seconds away from the bed-stricken child-bearing woman that you love.  168 hours of pain, fever & pneumonia in my kidneys an you were with me for one, two, three. (maybe)

You’ve got a sharp tongue when you want to hold my hips & and get that high that’s between my thighs.. but where is the compassion and care when its time to soothe my pain and dry my eyes.

(oooooh)  Sometimes, I get so mad that I want to kick your ass, but I’m not physically capable… and it’s not worth my time or energy to let you get to me now… but do believe it’s going to be hard for you to see this child when you claim you’ll never step foot inside of my house…

(laugh) Shoulda watched your mouth, Hell, you shoulda washed your mouth before you ever disrespected this Queen.

You are not the reason for this poem,
You are not the reason for my frown.
you are not the reason.

I’m just surprised that I let my guard down to such a handsome, insensitive, smooth-talking, dumbass clown…

You live,
You learn.

RE: Nikki gave me some emotional feedback & I’ve chosen to step out of my shoes and attempt to see things from her point of view.  My sister was going through a rough moment and I was challenged to help her express herself via spoken word.


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