The past 5 weeks have been full of waves. (Specifically, the past 3 days have been full of rising seas and hurricane-like winds including a few deaths from fallen trees.)
I have been written by social media “friends” about a wave of messages, posts and tags received from a woman who is my self-proclaimed nemesis. I have yet to respond to any of the social media messages as I continue to digest the source, fuel and direction of her malcontent.
14 months ago, as she began preparations to visit Costa Rica, I sat with Kelly and he asked me, “Do you have any idea what you are doing?”
“I have absolutely no idea.” All the way up to the date of her arrival, as Kelly and I drove to pick her up, I was void of any clarity. There was no excitement or anxiety. There was only right now.
In the hours leading up to her arrival, the planned living arrangements changed quite drastically and directly impacted several others because of it. An early Circle of Clarity amongst those directly effected by the new arrival didn’t seem to provide any significant progress. Contrary to what i shared, she thought that everyone either didn’t like her or wanted her gone. (ironically enough, the same people that she disliked and thought disliked her have hosted and helped her. yogis, vegans & hippies were quite distasteful a year ago.)
In the early weeks of her arrival, I often reflected on why she was here… as did she. We would sit in the ocean and chat candidly about mixed emotions, past events and current thoughts. Even now as I read “a most unlikely reunion”, I can vividly recall where I was emotionally with her presence. My emotional state was the same as my mental status towards everything else in my life at that point in time. Unsettled.
“Experience life in all possible ways —
good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light,
summer-winter. Experience all the dualities.
Don’t be afraid of experience, because
the more experience you have, the more
mature you become.”
On several occasions, I candidly said to her: Do not come here to be with me. Do not come thinking we will be in a relationship. We won’t. Come to get away from the place where you don’t want your daughter to grow up. Come get away from the place where you do not want to die. Do not come here for me thinking we will be a couple. *sigh* That didn’t work.
Fast-forward a year and we look at a series of events, that unless all facts are shared, can be taken many ways. My non-interest in speaking on unnecessary things to unnecessary people doesn’t allow many of the rumors to be addressed. I rather enjoy the absurdity of them at times.
A hall-of-fame entertainer once told me to guide the rumors to the art. If you start denying rumors, you will forever end up defending your actions when you could use that time and effort to create, build and share your passion, love and lessons.
“How easy it is for so many of us today to be undoubtedly full of information yet fully deprived of accurate information.” ― Criss Jami
With all that has been said that is not true… the most troubling thought I have is looking at someone change so drastically.
I do not care what has been said, shared or dramatized. I do have a great concern and care for someone who’s capacity of love for me has since been filled with hate and vengeance. A vengeance so grave that it has become reckless and seemingly self-defeating.
I know that she has often sought to be acknowledged by me as my love or significant other. An acknowledgement she will never get … not out of spite, sheerly derived from my perspective.
If all the facts were shared, if the story was told or fully-addressed, the sensationalism of what’s been erratically screamed at others to-date would simmer out faster than a shooting star. I care not to diffuse the rumors as my interest is on the seed that is the center of all this dissent.
So here I sit again, welcoming the adversity that fuels creativity.
I do not welcome adversity at the expense of another.
“Beware some people are just talking to you to gain information to use against you. Be careful with what you say around others because it may not be understood the way you expected. There are those who are waiting for the opportunity to spread rumors. And, with only a few words your life has been turned into a soap opera.” ― Amaka Imani Nkosazana
I will make it through every stone, punch and bullet sent my way.
I have grown through every stone, punch and bullet sent my way.